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So this is why drink driving is usually banned.

Who wrote "FREE" on my Soy Sauce?

Who knocked over my Soy Sauce?

Who will let me borrow some Soy Sauce?

Once you’ve tried lamb is hard to eat ham (burgers).


Westport’s town motto should be "Shoulda gone to Greymouth."

From one ghost town to another. One weekend in New Zealand.


Mouldy tap water makes me grumpy.

Minority Report ends with an almost-perfect system being scrapped, inviting a wave of murderous criminal activity. Yet the final shot is of a gentle beachscape.

Here come the clowns.

3 Minutes isn’t a bad debut hitchhiking pickup time.

Dutch people are wonderful.

28. That’s how old somebody mistook me for.

Bike safety here requires utmost care. "When you arrive, chuck it in a bush."

If you go anywhere in New Zealand, tell them Alan sent you. At 78, this annual hitchhiker is bound to have preceded your visit.

Free wine in exchange for joining in with Pictionary works for me.

I have a port hangover – How old does that make me?

I hereby commission myself to create a photo album entitled "My Kiwi Experience" comprising hilariously illuminating ironic photography.


Tonight is a "P" Party. Dress as something "P". I’m going as a Party Pooper.

Crikey that’s a big steak. And so is this second helping.

Dave Gorman in my headphones makes a good coach tour guide.

Being without hangover on this bus makes me both unique and smug.

Working for bed and board seems like a novel way to spend today.

Working for bed and board offends my sensibilities and pains my feeble muscles.

Three hours on a kayak without once seeing the lake bed. Result.


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