Drum & Bass
Like Dubstep but considerably faster at 174bpm average.
Dubstep
Like Drum & Bass but considerably slower at 140-145bpm.
Grime
Kind of like Drum & Bass, Garage and Electro mixed up and processed at a lower quality.
Wobbly House
Dubstep + Boiling Water + Leave in Fridge for a few hours = Wobbly house.
Breakbeat
Like Drum & Bass without the bass.
House
See Wobbly House definition, but switch the Dubstepy ‘Jelly’ for cement. (Metaphorically, this is the solid building block of the scene).
Hip Hop
Songs which are too cool to be karaokeised.
Trance
Songs which are to lyric-less to be karokeised.
Rock ‘n’ Rave
Between a rock and a hard house.
Electro
Add this genre name to any other genre name if it involves no real instruments, and lots of squeaks and beeps and beats.
Intelligent Drum & Bass
Contrary to some definitions, this is actually synonymous with standard D&B. It is actually two separate names of ‘Intelligent Drum’ and ‘Bass’, so called because the drums pump through with consistent, fast paced and musically quick-witted beats, whilst the bass ambles alongside.
Techno
Like electro, but limited to instruments which can be found in a naval scrapyard.
Chillout
Welcome after overdosing on other genres. Or, to keep the party going, double the bpm and combine it with Breakbeat.
Hardcore
Dance music for Metallica fans.
Happy Hardcore
Dance music for Metallica fans whose Mums have just bought them ice creams.
Jungle
Sounds like an Electro song if the said song were being chased by a ravenous tiger through dense thickets of undergrowth, accompanied throughout by a posse of bass-y baboons.
Ambient
The musical equivalent of ‘The Emporer’s New Clothes’. (Example)
Euro-Electro
Dance music made by a bloke named Svenoyngarn.
Fidget
A fickle amalgamation of Techno, Dubsteb, Breakbeats, Jungle, Happy Hardcore, Grime and Yorkshire Dub.
