Lonely Planet helpfully advises readers how best to pack extensive city sightseeing into a quickfire weekend.
Here’s my version, 3 Days In Bangkok:
Day 1:
Arrive at a bus station. It could be the North, East or South terminal, or perhaps they’ve built a fourth since your map was published. Bus hop until somebody recognises your pronunciation of ‘baglampu’ district.
Avoid Touristville area and check in to a nice hotel around the corner.
Take a commuter boat along the river until crowds eventually shove you ashore. Wander back to base, skirting around all major sights in an unnecessarily long walk via a library (which, helpfully, allows in anybody who looks confused and needs the toilet.)
Eat. Go to bed.
Day 2:
Take number 53 bus to Hualumpong. Unless it doesn’t arrive, in which case take another bus. Hop on the fake, underground Skytrain to North-ish direction.
Arrive at Chatuchak Market – the largest in the world – for fake goods galore. Leave on the proper Skytrain.
Bangkok is infamously seedy, so spend the afternoon visiting every major Red Light District, wondering as you go why you bothered to visit during daytime.
If you’re gagging for Air Con, check out Siam’s shopping centre/mall/arcade overload. Allow at least two hours to find the exit.
Round off the day watching Fringe theatre by the riverside.
Day 3:
Can’t be bothered to explore Thailand properly? Then go to Surat Prakhan’s Ancient City. Get there by boarding random busses travelling roughly Eastward until you start seeing road signs.
This incredible park brings over 120 pieces of classic Thai architecture together, in both real and replica form. They’ve pilfered everything from Buddahs to Bridges for your enjoyment, and even mocked up ruined temples for the intrepid – but not so daring – explorer. Take a free bike to explore the whole country in one afternoon.
Leave Bangkok behind on a train to somewhere else. Or a bus to a different place entirely.
