New Zealand isn’t exactly huge. Competitively speaking, governmental responsibilities aren’t the most volatile or dramatic. But there is one relationship which grinds and grates always; the Department of Tourism (DOT) and the Department of Conservation (DOC).
I caught up with the two of their chiefs at a rare meeting…
D(ept) O(f) T(ourism): Am I late?
D(ept) O(f) C(onservation): Somewhat. Yes.
DOT: Monday Madness last night. Sorry, eh?
DOC: You look a state.
DOT: Hell Bar. 241 all night bro.
DOC: You had the energy for all that after your Tongariro Mountain Trek?
DOT: Huh? Oh, that walk thing? Nah bro. Was hungover. Sweet Sunday an’ that, eh.
DOC: Oh for goodness sake. What do we build the paths for if you’re not going to use them?
DOT: No worries bro, we’ll probably do it on Friday or something.
DOC: Yes, ‘probably’. Now, did you happen to glance at an agenda?
DOT: Nah.
DOC: Item One- A recent survey altered us to worrying levels of human erosion at the pancake rocks area. Now, we all-
DOT: -Pancake rocks? The Ledge Frisbee place?
DOC: I suppose so. But it also happens to be an unparalleled example of costal rock formation.
DOT: That’s the place! Sweet event last summer.
DOC: Last summer, in fact, was when we decided to take action. Eleven months on and we have just opened a brand new location there, featuring walkways, informative signage and trained staff.
DOT: Bar?
DOC: There will soon be a small cafe for-
DOT: -Licensed?
DOC: It is only a facility to complement the geological-
DOT: ‘The Parched Pancake’! That’d be sweet, eh bro?
DOC: Couldn’t you muster up just a morsel of gratitude for our project built for your benefit?
DOT: Yeah cheers bro. What else you got?
DOC: Item Two, actually, concerns you greatly. Abel Tasman National Park (which, if you’ve failed to notice, is a National Park) is being spoiled and ransacked by your summer hoards. Tourists are not following prescribed footpaths, disregarding tidal advice and directly disobeying clear signage.
DOT: Nobody wants to follow a path. What’s the point? People come to New Zealand for the adventure, eh?
DOC: Quite so, they do. But we picked up somebody last week with a dead deer over one shoulder and a rifle over the other. Now that just isn’t on.
DOT: Sweet.
DOC: They’re endangered!
DOT: Oh, right. Well what do you want us to do about it?
DOC: Control your people. That’s all.
DOT: Sweet as. Yeah, sweet. Anyway thanks for the meet, better run now. Booked a bungee for 3pm and there’s no use jumping with a dry stomach, eh? See ya bro.
DOC: Where will you be jumping from?
DOT: Nevis, mate.
DOC: Well do make sure you at least pay some attention to the canyon rocks before you hurtle towards them. (Or, hopefully, onto them.)
DOT: What was that bro?
DOC: Nothing… Bro.
