Traveller:
Somebody who spends forever leaving and never arrives.*
Tourist:
Walking camera advertisements, these holidaymakers follow guides with numbered umbrellas held high.
Backpacker:
Nicknamed ‘snails’, these youngsters stop at nothing for a discount. The actual bag is rarely necessary for travel, but looks quite cool.
Hostel:
Home to stylish people living on a pittance (besides unlimited booze funds). Free tea a bonus, early check-out time a detriment.
Hotel:
An excellent source of free information, clean toilets and top-floor city views.
GuestHouse:
A hostel without the colourfully painted walls.
Free lunch:
Lie.
Free beer:
Stinking lie.
Public bus:
Departs from a station 10km out of town. Arrives somewhere vaguely near your destination.
Tourist bus:
Eventually arrives at your destination after several unannounced detours to souvenir shops and tourist cafes.
Conversation:
Limited to… “How long are you here?”, “Where’s your next stop?” and “Do you know how this microwave works?”
CouchSurfing:
Neither extreme nor sporty, this is actually a way to get free accommodation. Meet somebody on the internet (or, of course, pick someone up in a bar) and stay at their house.
Hitchhiking:
The Lonely Planet “never recommends” hitchhiking in any country. It is therefore the coolest way to travel.
* I feel sure I have plagiarised this, but can’t remember its author…
